


A Punk and a Jerk

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:40:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Bucky has a lot of sexual frustration over Steve that he can't get rid of and doesn't understand, so goes to Steve for help. </p><p>(Also: Feelings. And smutty, smut, smut.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Punk and a Jerk

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the title and sorry about any and all mistakes you find (they belong to me and my phone).

Out of all the situations Steve thought he might get in after the whole Winter Soldier fiasco, this certainly wasn't one of them. It's not like it had never crossed his mind in the past, because it had, too many times. But things had been different back then; Bucky had actually been himself and things had been a whole lot easier to understand. It hadn't been so accepted, of course, but Bucky had always been the ladies' man so Steve had never let himself hope.  
  
What was wrong, was Steve feeling any of it now that Bucky was back. He couldn't help the natural attraction but this was a damaged man, a broken man who was discovering who he was and trusting Captain America to help him. There was no room for attraction here (no room for undying love either). And he'd always loved Bucky in some way or other - it had changed and blossomed like anything, but he hadn't wanted a label for it then, and after all that had happened, now hardly seemed the best time to change that.  
  
So he'd been sucking it up, because that's what soldiers did, they got on with the mission and left the luggage back at camp. Of course, that all got a bit harder when Bucky had approached him out of the blue to talk about a strange feeling.  
  
Steve guessed they'd been pretty careless when it came to wiping his mind - activities that caused him to feel pleasure and not pain were a revelation to him. Steve found it hard to contain the homicidal feelings that overcame him at times like those, but he kept himself under control for Bucky - because he was needed, he was all Bucky had - and he knew the best minds in the business were working on stamping out the evil bastards for good.  
  
But his friend was asking him for something. And for the first time ever, Steve didn't know if he could give it.  
  
"So, sometimes I get this feeling, sort of in my gut, right down here... I don't know how to get rid of it, and you told me to tell you if I felt unusual."  
  
Steve had been instantly concerned. He wasn't any sort of doctor but he was always ready to call one. "Where did you say?"  
  
"Well," and Bucky had started to look a bit uncomfortable. "Down...here." He's gestured to his pelvis region and blood had shot to Steve's face.  
  
"You said sometimes. Is there something that's triggering it?"  
  
"Yeah." Bucky took a deep breath. "You."  
  
The new house felt suddenly small and Steve wished there was something for him to hide behind, but long ago were the days when it was easy for him to disappear. The worst part of all this was that the selfish bit of his heart had jumped for joy at the fact Bucky felt something for him too. But this wasn't the old Bucky, he had to remind himself, and he couldn't take advantage of someone in recovery. Everyone had needs; Bucky was only just rediscovering his, and Steve just happened to be the only thing here to latch on to.  
  
"It gets worse when you're around... And it feels familiar; the curling in my stomach, and the heat." Bucky's voice had dropped a few octaves, and from where they were standing in Steve's average excuse for a kitchen, his eyes looked dark and hungry too.  
  
"I- If you could just give me a minute-" Steve started, determined not to lie but also not to give in to whatever romantic desires were floating around his brain just waiting for their chance.  
  
"Steve?" Bucky said, lightly, stepping closer. "You know what this is, don't you? Just tell me. Tell me how to get rid of it and I will."  
  
Bucky's hair was out of its usual little ponytail and hung over his eyes until he pushed it back. Steve bit the inside of his cheeks to ground himself.  
  
"Whatever this is, it's making you uncomfortable." Bucky stepped back again. "I'm sorry."  
  
But there was no way Steve could be having that. "No, Bucky, no." Bucky stopped and waited. "I don't- I'm unsure whether I'm the best person to do this." Bucky looked curious and fascinated and Steve held back the word vomit that threatened to spew from his lips.  
  
"To explain it or fix it?" Bucky asked.  
  
Steve grimaced. "Both."  
  
"Is it to do with fact that it only happens around you?" Steve was silent. "I mean, I just have this urge to be...close. Closer than we usually are."  
  
Steve was hanging on by thin threads at the moment and decided it would be better if they sat down. "Come on," he said and Bucky followed him to the love-seat in the living room. They couldn't exactly sit far apart, but they weren't touching. Bucky was leaning towards him, consciously or not Steve couldn't know, but it was keeping the heat in his cheeks and he fought to get a hold of himself.  
  
"Look, what you're feeling is normal, but depending on- If I help you with it... I don't want to take advantage of your current psychological state." Steve tried to explain.  
  
"Tell me what to do then, and I'll do it myself."  
  
If Steve could've gotten any redder, he would have. "You've, er, just got some pent up tension there, is all. If you just, er," he decided maybe showing Bucky would be easier. He made a rubbing gesture with his hand above the crotch area and Bucky frowned and cocked his head in interest. "Just try it." Steve could hardly believe that Bucky had once said this to him as a teenager. The role-reversal was surreal.  
  
But Bucky did, putting a hand on the material between his legs and slowly rubbing up and down. Steve watched his face, captivated by the curiosity across Bucky features and then the infinitesimal widening of his eyes as he felt something. "That feels... Better." Bucky said.  
  
"And it'll feel a whole lot better than that with your pants out the way." The words tumbled from Steve's mouth. He hadn't intended for Bucky to do this right here, just to point him in the right direction and let him have at it the way all young boys did. But Bucky looked at him for approval as he unbuttoned the fly of his jeans and Steve couldn't bring himself to shake his head.  
  
Bucky's right hand went straight in; now he'd realised what soothed the ache, he was rolling. His fingers had slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers and Steve watched them draw up and down beneath the material. It took every ounce of will in his body to look away.  
  
Bucky seemed to think that was his fault though, and poked Steve's arm with a metal finger. "I don't mind. You can watch."  
  
"No, it's- I wouldn't-"  
  
Bucky pinched him. "Do you want to?"  
  
There was a moment of hesitation that spoke clearer than any word could have, so Steve didn't bother denying it. "Y-yes." He stammered.  
  
"Then watch."  
  
Steve did, and felt like a man with a one-way ticket to fiery hell for doing so. He peeled his eyes from Bucky's lower-half to look at his face, only to find that those blue eyes were already trained on him. Slightly lidded with lips parted, Bucky was a picture of absolute perfection and Steve didn't know how he was ever going to get that image out of his head. His eyes fluttered shut at one point and Steve realised he'd stopped breathing. He was determined not to look down because Bucky had to be straining through his underwear at this point, and there was no way Steve could not be turned on by this.  
  
Then Bucky stopped abruptly. "Can you come closer?" He asked, desperation spiking the end of his question while a red flush crept up his ears and neck.  
  
Steve's brain had shorted out so it took him a few seconds to process the question. "Closer- I- How close?"  
  
"Just...here." So Steve shuffled closer until the sides of their legs were touching and Bucky let out a sigh. Then Bucky's other hand snaked over Steve's thigh and to the growing hardness in his jeans. Steve jumped at his touch but arched into it the way a dying man would follow water.  
  
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit."  
  
"Captain America's not supposed to curse." Bucky drawled, and it _was_ Bucky, with a cautious little stroke of Steve's arousal. Then he went back to his own. At the little noise of pleasure that escaped Bucky's lips, Steve knew he was done for.  
  
Covering his eyes with his arm and putting a hand over his mouth, Steve tried to block it all out for a minute and think. The heat radiating from the body next to him didn't help and neither did the exquisite sounds erupting from Bucky's throat. Bucky wasn't letting him get away that easily though, and Steve cursed again when Bucky's hand snaked between his legs for a second time and he couldn't hold himself still. He had wanted it for too long, dreamt about it, and spent far too many waking moments with one guy on his mind.  
  
"Steve? Steve, hey, tell me what's wrong."  
  
Steve put his arms down and Bucky was still, his brows drawn together in concern. "It's nothing." He said, pointlessly.  
  
"Does it not feel good for you too?"  
  
Steve squeezed his eyes shut and groaned with the injustice of it all. "Bucky, it feels like _heaven_. But I'm not supposed to feel it, I- This isn't- There are things I haven't told you and it wouldn't be right for me to take advantage- With all the history..."  
  
Bucky fixed him with a diamond hard gaze. "I don't know about that. But I want you to feel this." Steve had an idea Bucky knew exactly what he was doing as he started dragging his hand up and down his own shaft again. He kept his eyes on Steve as his breathing laboured and Steve's mouth actually starting watering. He knew it should be him bringing Bucky to the brink, should be him giving his best friend what he needed, and every time Bucky made an infernal noise he found it even harder to remember why he wasn't doing that already.  
  
"Fuck it." He hissed, and Bucky looked at him, wanton and hopeful. "Let me." He nudged Bucky's hand out the way and tested a couple of strokes. The result was his friend almost bucking right off the seat. Bucky was making mewling little noises now that went straight to Steve's cock. Apparently too taken for words, Bucky had slumped down the cushions to lay there with his legs as wide as he could get and begging. Steve had done it, and now he wanted to touch every part of him.  
  
Bucky hummed a little before he found his voice again. "Oh my- oh my god-" Steve smiled at that because he'd made it happen, he'd given Bucky the pleasure that he wanted and maybe that wasn't so bad after all. "Do it, ungh, do it again."  
  
Steve wanted to, but he had to make sure - had to check this wasn't a mistake. The doubt was going to pick away at him anyway. "Buck, I know you're wound up right now but... Jesus, you wouldn't rather have a girl come and do this would you?"  
  
Bucky looked at him like he was insane. "A girl? What? Fuck no, I want you, for god's sake, isn't that clear enough already?"  
  
"Yeah, I know, but you're not in peak mental condition right now and I don't want to be pushing you into something that you only want as a matter of circumstance."  
  
Bucky wiggled his hips impatiently. "Just because I don't know what all the feelings mean yet, doesn't mean I don't remember having them." He pulled Steve's arm until Steve was half-atop him. He was hot and their faces were close and Steve was sure his heart skipped a beat. "There have been so many of these moments where I didn't know what I wanted. But it's inside me. _He_ waited too long to do this, Steve, and I'm not gonna wait any longer."  
  
And then Bucky's mouth was pressed to his, that perfect mouth, and the perfect, wonderful, glorious way his lips remembered how to kiss. Steve was gone, reduced to the young boy struck with adoration for his best friend, and no less helpless to his charms. Bucky gasped into his mouth because, like so long ago, they were both discovering and experiencing something for the first time, and it was warm and wet and beautiful. Steve thought he could kiss this mouth 'till the end of everything.  
  
"Oh, god, it feels so good." Bucky spoke against his lips. Steve's hand ran down Bucky's rib cage and waist before cupping his hip and pulling him closer. "I want you to touch me everywhere." Bucky undulated his hips up into Steve's and Steve moaned into his mouth.  
  
Bucky was a talker, thank god, because his talking was about as hot as what was actually happening (though Steve had a feeling he'd live to revoke that thought). "Mm, yes," Steve hummed in response, very much preoccupied with the beauties that were Bucky's lips and intent on doing everything he could with them. Bucky tasted how the sun looked. He sucked on Bucky's lower lip as sharp gusts of hot breath dusted his face, and his friend's legs started to intertwine with his.  
  
Steve thought he'd try and French it, because he had a fair bit more experience now, and he wanted to make this brilliant. He tentatively edged his tongue past Bucky's lips, open and accommodating until both of them jolted, their tongues brushing lightly. "Do that again." Bucky commanded immediately, all quick-thinking, quick-breathing; a mixture of impatience and excitement. "Do the tongue thing again."  
  
Steve had only taken two breaths before Bucky's tongue was being shoved down his throat and he slid his against Bucky's again to have the man literally vibrate with pleasure beneath him. "Ahh, yes."  
  
"Like that?" Steve teased, then began sucking Bucky's tongue into his mouth. Bucky responded by rubbing his thigh along the thrumming hardness between Steve's legs. They were writhing against each other and Bucky's hands were sliding into Steve's hair and across his cheeks and jaw and neck.  
  
"All this time, ungh, _all this time_ , Steve. _Why_ didn't we do this before?"  
  
Steve tried to get his mind in gear as he slipped a hand under Bucky's shirt and dragged it over the abdomen he had seen so many times and never been able to touch. He was sure he made a sound in response but he didn't know what it was. Bucky's teeth tugged at his lip.  
  
"I don't- I didn't know what this was... But _you_ , you want this too, and you have no excuse." Bucky seemed in the mood for an argument but was too aroused to have it, so Steve mouthed apologies into his neck and Bucky groaned, half-rutting underneath him.  
  
"Oh, fuck, this is the best thing I've ever felt." Bucky gasped again. Steve licked at the juncture of neck and shoulder and tried to memorise the taste, should this all turn into a crazy dream.  
  
"What do you want?" Steve whispered, looking up.  
  
Bucky was wrecked. "I don't know. I want you everywhere." He jerked his hips a little. "Especially here."  
  
Steve knew what he was going to do. He mightn't be any good at it but he was going to try. "Okay." He murmured, more for his own reassurance than Bucky's. Then he slid down the seat and found his way between Bucky's legs. His friend was wide-eyed and panting, anticipation making his knees shake so that Steve had to put a hand on each to steady them.  
  
"Wait, I...want to kiss you again." Bucky said.  
  
Steve leaned up and over to plant a warm peck on Bucky's lips and at the corner of his mouth. "Don't worry, I've got you." Bucky hummed in response and Steve disappeared back down. He tugged at Bucky's black jeans and they worked together to edge both them and his boxers down over his hips and across the room. Steve could have cried at the sight because, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, this was _Bucky_ in front of him wanting and waiting. Steve ran his hands up Bucky's thighs and they tensed beneath him. He trailed his fingers along the once-tanned skin until he had a gentle hold at the base of Bucky's cock.  
  
Bucky looked far too enraptured for words, and so Steve took a chance on the idea that Bucky didn't know what was coming. Lowering his head until his breath was skirting the head, he smiled knowingly, and then kissed the tip as sensually as he could. Bucky's eyes almost popped out of his head and he groaned an aching, sweet thing that Steve immediately wanted to hear more of. "You can- oh my god, you can do that? Jesus fucking Christ, this is-"  
  
Steve took that as his cue to take the whole of Bucky's raging hard-on into his mouth. He hadn't been prepared for the instant jerk of Bucky's hips but he accommodated for it quickly, then dragged up slowly and gave the head a swirl of his tongue to finish. He didn't meet Bucky's eyes again because they had rolled back in his head with his neck arching backward and his hands digging into the cushions either side of him. He was a picture of debauchery, and Steve wanted to make love to him forever.  
  
He grabbed Bucky's flesh hand and entwined their fingers together. Bucky squeezed back and Steve enveloped the head of his shaft again to suck slowly, the way he would have wanted, the way that was going to make Bucky forget every bad memory he'd ever had.  
  
Bucky swore like a trooper, but it was the moans that set Steve's skin on fire. "Ungh, get up here- I want to..." Bucky ground out, all but thrusting into Steve's mouth again. Steve let the cock fall from his mouth with a pop and Bucky was sending him a look that either meant sex or murder. He was really hoping for the former.  
  
Sliding back up the body of the man before him, he suddenly realised he had far too many clothes on. Bucky apparently had the same idea as he ripped apart the front of Steve's shirt in order to lick a long line from chest to throat. "What did you and him do before that was so much better than this?" Bucky growled into his jaw.  
  
Steve couldn't really place a thing right now - and the fact that he'd been wearing one of his favourite shirts was distant in his mind. He was rock hard and tenting his jeans pretty badly. Bucky took the liberty of rubbing his thigh against Steve's bulge and Steve almost released a rather unmanly squeal at the shot of pleasure through his nerves. Bucky claimed his mouth roughly with a metal hand at the back of his neck and ripped his oxygen from him until he was breathless and gasping. Bucky smiled roguishly and swiped his tongue between Steve's lips. "You are the best thing I have ever tasted." Bucky said with a voice like molten glass. It rolled over Steve who couldn't help pick up on the odd pitchy moments that Bucky attempted to hide. It was so much like the old Bucky he could hardly believe it.  
  
"And what do I taste like?"  
  
Bucky licked into his mouth. "Ungh. You... taste like... Freedom."  
  
They were both silent for a second, save the panting, and then it got too much. Steve cracked up. Snorting into raucous laughter, and cheeks burning, he ended up wheezing like an asthmatic with Bucky punching him in the arm.  
  
"Fr- _Freedom_?" Steve got out between giggles.  
  
"You fucker, I was being serious." Bucky protested, but he was grinning like a Cheshire cat, and Steve hardly saw that anymore. He shoved Steve off him and backwards. "Fuck you." Then he followed him and Steve had a mouth full of tongue that wasn't his as he tried to meander his way to the floor. It felt right to have Bucky above him, and as Bucky gave a fierce grind of his hips, he guessed he wasn't the only one happy with that arrangement. Steve took the opportunity to get rid of his ripped shirt, and help Bucky rid himself of his. Then there was skin; beautiful, flawless skin and no more barriers, no more doubt or worrying. They mapped out each other's scars and Steve took an interest in finding the new ones and remembering where the old ones had been.  
  
Steve wanted to kiss the intersection of flesh and metal at Bucky's shoulder but didn't know if Bucky would want him to. The join hadn't been properly fixed up or tended to yet because Bucky would allow it; he'd let them remove the tracker and that was that. He was defensive of it which was fully understandable, but Steve wanted to show that he accepted all of him.  
  
Either way, Bucky seemed to be having enough fun frotting anyhow, and Steve grappled to undo his pants and get in on the action. Bucky helped, but proceeded to stare, mouth open, at the tent in Steve's white boxers before ripping them off too. His cock stood to attention between them and Bucky reached out to touch it. Steve could have come right then but he bit the inside of his cheeks, straining, and thought of Canadian bacon waffles. He'd always hated those.  
  
Bucky wrapped his hand around his length and Steve held his breath in anticipation. Then a thumb ran over his slit and Steve wasn't surprised he'd started leaking pre-come already. "Tell me, I mean, I don't know what to do." Bucky prodded.  
  
Steve smirked. "Oh, you're doing it, Buck. Actually, just stop for a second... I, er, need to calm down." Steve grabbed Bucky's arm and pulled him close again. They were breathing into each other's mouths, foreheads pressed together and Bucky planting the occasional quick peck on Steve lips.  
  
"I love you." Steve word-vomited, and felt his cheeks flood red. "I should have told you before, I should have told you a really, really long time ago and I know it's unfair to tell you now. I'm sorry, but I just- I do. I love you, I love you so much."  
  
Bucky was silent for a long moment. Then his brow creased and he suddenly appeared distant. "I don't know what love is." He spoke, stilted. "I don't know how to feel it. Is this? I don't know- If I'm feeling it already."  
  
Steve nuzzled his friend's cheek. "Let me show you." He caught Bucky's lips again and touched them gently to his own, he wanted to feel everything.  
  
Reaching a hand down to where their cocks were sliding between them, he took them both in his grip and dragged up and down as he attempted to build a rhythm. The friction was bearable for him at this point but Bucky was grunting above him and he didn't know how long he'd last. Skating his other hand across the expanse of Bucky's muscular back, he cupped a hand around his ass and squeezed lightly. Bucky hummed into Steve's neck where his head had fell, and thrust into Steve's hand. "You like that, huh?"  
  
"Oh god, yeah."  
  
So Steve squeezed and Bucky thrusted again. "I'm gonna learn everything you like, every little tell and spot and perfect place to touch you, and then I'm gonna take you apart." Bucky's hips stuttered, and Steve's words even surprised himself.  
  
They were moving together now and Steve could feel the unforgivably beautiful pressure building as their rhythm started to shake and falter.  
  
"Steve."  
  
"Mm, yeah?"  
  
"Faster, ugh, do it faster." And Steve sped up as much as he could while keeping a handle on things. Bucky was getting more vocal by the minute, and Steve could hardly hear himself think over the litany of sharp breath and moans emanating from Bucky's mouth. He had never been so turned on his life, and he thanked the universe that this was a thing that was being allowed to happen.  
  
"Ahh, Steve, Steve it's getting..." Bucky spoke into his neck.  
  
"It will." Steve gasped back.  
  
"But what," he breathed hotly, "what do I do?"  
  
Steve kissed his temple. "Nothing, just feel it, just enjoy it, I'm right here."  
  
Bucky didn't seem able to lift his head, but was using his metal arm to support his weight as his right caressed its way through Steve's hair. Steve was starting to stutter, his hand unreliable with ultimate bliss so close. He was nearing the edge, chasing his release, as he massaged the heads of their thrumming lengths with his thumb. Bucky was gripping his hair now and brought his head up to join their mouths once more.  
  
"Oh- oh- oh-"  
  
Steve came with Bucky's name on his lips and Bucky's deep, shuddering moan in his mouth. It was pure white, with the heat and intensity of a star coupled with the greatest flood of liberation he could fathom. Bucky shook above him and Steve wished he could have kept his eyes open to see his face.  
  
It took him about a minute to process Bucky completely pliant on his chest and the string of words tumbling from him. Bucky was saying his name like a mantra and Steve stroked a hand through his hair, smiling. "Oh, Bucky..."  
  
"Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers..."  
  
Steve touched his shoulder, and squeezed a little, trying to make sure he was okay. "Bucky?"  
  
"...Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers..."  
  
Steve's stomach dropped, and he grabbed Bucky by the arms and lifted him up. "Hey, pal? You alright?"  
  
Bucky's eyes were open but he was staring down as if he wasn't seeing anything there at all. Steve shook him but there was no response, and for a moment he was lost and he was drowning. Then, on a whim, he let Bucky fall back down and kissed him. Bucky gasped back to life and Steve didn't know whether to hit him or hug him.  
  
"Steve, I-"  
  
He settled for a rough hug. "You almost scared me to death." It took a second before Bucky was hugging him back. "What happened?" He asked, half-terrified at the thought of the answer.  
  
"I don't...really know. I was in- it was a memory."  
  
Steve was loath to loosen his hold so soon but he needed to look at him. He saw the answer in Bucky's eyes but he asked anyway. "A memory? Of...of before?"  
  
Bucky knew what he meant and nodded. Steve's face broke into a smile because this was _progress_ ; Bucky had not yet remembered a full memory without aid and being walked through it, and maybe this meant that Bucky could retrieve what he'd lost - that it was all buried deep down inside him waiting to be unlocked. But the corners of Bucky's mouth only tipped up to humour him. "It was of you. You were unhappy." Steve studied the expression on Bucky's face and couldn't place what it was. "You didn't want to go somewhere but I wanted you to come."  
  
"There were quite a few trips like that." Steve smirked. "You were always the outgoing one."  
  
Bucky nodded slowly. "There were some others; women. You didn't want to be around them and so he- we left without you." Then Bucky's brow creased, sending his eyes into shadow. "And I remember touching one of them, and I wanted it to be you. I pretended that it was."  
  
"Oh, Bucky." His friend looked at him; troubled and disjointed and everything Steve had hoped to get rid of but had instead made worse. The thought that Bucky had wanted him all that time ago made his heart ache, and he resented the fact that Bucky had to feel it now too. A triple life; three conflicting realities in his head and Steve didn't know how to help him. "I'm sorry."  
  
Bucky frowned at him. "Why?"  
  
"I didn't mean to cause that, I didn't think - your mind is fragile at the moment, I- never should have inflicted it upon you in the first place." Steve's throat was tight.  
  
Bucky continued to hover over him. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I know I freaked out there, but uh, I still felt it - you know, the release...of- Of love."  
  
"The release of- Oh my god," Steve open his mouth in surprise. "That's adorable."  
  
His friend was instantly on the defensive. "What?"  
  
Steve was smiling again and he touched their foreheads together. "Nothing."  
  
"Well, what's it called then?"  
  
Now he was blushing, and he cleared his throat awkwardly for a new word he didn't think he'd ever have to say out loud. "Um, an orgasm." Bucky considered it, and Steve jumped in quickly. "But I like yours much better. Please let's keep yours."  
  
Bucky shrugged. "Sure. But now I wanna talk about it, because," he breathed a laugh, "I wanna feel that everyday, forever."  
  
Steve had a sudden vision of the super soldier side effect of an increased libido. Bucky pressed a wet kiss just under his jaw and Steve stroked Bucky's hair. When he spoke, it was careful and soft. "Bucky, I- I don't think that would be the best idea."  
  
Bucky pulled back, a frown already etched in his face. But when Steve's crumpled empathetically, Bucky schooled his expression into something more neutral. "Why?"  
  
"It could be dangerous. I know it hurts when your memories come back. You didn't need to tell me; I know you. And maybe this is too much at once, who knows what could hap-"  
  
And then Bucky's breath was hot under Steve's jaw and he was finding it very easy to forget what he'd been saying. "You don't want," he mouthed at Steve's neck, "to feel this," and Steve was breaking, "anymore...?"  
  
"Yes, I do." He voice trembled out of him. "But this isn't about me, this is about keeping you safe-"  
  
"Don't." Bucky said. And Steve stopped speaking because he sounded a lot like the Bucky that had told Steve there was no way he was leaving him when he was sick. He'd shut him up then, and he was doing it now. Bucky pulled up to look him in the eyes. "I've been kept away- kept safe, for a very long time. I want to get out, I want to _feel_. It's becoming easier to differentiate between all the different feelings now, but there is one that's always been the same. Even when I didn't know who I was, you were there, and I knew you." Steve stroked Bucky's hair back from his face. "I want to do everything with you."  
  
Steve didn't know when he'd started crying but it was happening. There were tears and he'd sworn he'd never cry in front of Bucky after everything that had passed and now he was. Bucky caught the tears with his thumbs and wiped them away. He pulled Steve up until they were hugging each other on their knees and it felt like a chapter from the Bible. Steve was an ugly cryer, he knew, and his body shook with his sobs; sobs for Bucky and sobs for sobbing on Bucky.  
  
Because James Buchanan Barnes was amazing and was kissing his cheeks and his tears away with a strength and composure that Steve could hardy comprehend. His voice was more than broken though. "I shouldn't be allowed to have you after what I've done, but..." Bucky was talking like someone was ripping the words from his soul. Like it was the deepest secret he had. Steve squeezed him tighter because he couldn't speak. "I couldn't let you go. I could never."  
  
Steve nuzzled their faces together until their lips met again and they contented themselves with the soft, wet warmth, and the buzz that came with it. "Tony's been telling me to confess to you for ages." Steve said quietly, voice raw.  
  
"I owe that man a drink." Bucky replied, gruffly.  
  
"I just didn't think it would be right to force that upon you before you'd remembered yourself."  
  
"When have you ever forced something upon me, Steve?" Bucky sighed into his shoulder. "Unless you count modern day coffee."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You should be."  
  
"I love you."  
  
Bucky was quiet. "I should love you. I must do." He pulled back and cupped his hands at the side of Steve's face. The metal was cool, but his flesh hand was sweating. Steve was staring at Bucky's lips as his mouth hung slightly open; it tended to do that when he was lost for words.  
  
"Just think about what you want."  
  
"I want to be with you. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me. My stomach...squeezes when you smile. I want to sink into nothing when you're sad and you look at me like I'm the only one that can save you. But I don't know how. It's like sickness except that I'm sure I want more of it. He would have known; the old one."  
  
"There is no old one, Bucky, just you. You are perfect and all I want in this world is for you to be happy and safe."  
  
"There is nothing perfect about me."  
  
Steve kissed him. "Everything." He kissed him again. "You meant to say everything."  
  
"No I didn't."  
  
"Yes." Steve kissed him. "You did." Then he continued to pepper Bucky's mouth with kisses until he was smiling and trying very badly to bat Steve away as he pushed him backwards. Bucky was grinning up at him when his back hit the floor and Steve was holding back giggles made of sweetness and rainbows.  
  
"Punk." Bucky said, and Steve could have shaken him with how happy he was.  
  
"Jerk." He laughed and Bucky's hands were in his hair, and he didn't care that Tony and the rest of their rag-tag group were gonna have a massive laugh over this because he loved it. He loved that didn't have to be afraid anymore or hate himself for wanting more from Bucky than he thought he could give.  
  
"Can we do it again? Let's do it again." Bucky's eyes were alight.  
  
"What?"  
  
Bucky wiggled against him and Steve realised _exactly_ what. "Well, we've got a lot of time to make up for." He smirked, and they did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And if you enjoyed this thing, a kudos or comment would be lovely as I wallow in Steve/Bucky related emotions. 
> 
> Also, a big pat on the back for me for writing this during exam season. *shakes head*


End file.
